2nd Wind, March 2000
"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
- Dolly PartonSad State
Democrats and Republicans sometimes seem to be parties that disagree on how to tell the same lies.
- John Drybred
It's been a long time since I've exercised this antique brain as much as I have this last month, including going back to School one Saturday. It must be good for me, just like broccoli and spinach, and I have to admit I feel pleased with my progress. I know I have a lot to learn, but the fact I can bluff along as well as I do is exhilarating.
Having been born in an age when the answer to a letter to Europe could take as much as two months (by ship), I marvel at rising in the morning to find an E-mail from Finland or Germany, which my friend sent before she went to work. And my answer will be waiting for her when she gets home. The young'uns can't fully appreciate that.
We've had a Baptist guest minister for the last six weeks. He was a middle-aged seminary student with a good message and a lot to say. The trouble was, he wanted to say it all in six sermons. I have a well padded posterior, but it wasn't designed for an hour and a half session. I was reminded of a poem I wrote in college.
The lecture dawdles to a close at last
and I am eyeing grimly yonder clock
The knowledge flung my way sails mutely past,
rejected by a mind that thus will lock
against all brain food served in this same style,
when, though the bell has rung, we stay awhile.
Last Sunday it was raining. Correction: it was RAINING! Getting the car out of the gate is difficult, even in good weather, due to Blackie's total dedication to the challenge of getting into the car with me. Blackie is Beth's aging cat, but even in his dotage, he is far more dexterous than I, and no matter how hard I try to outwit him, he usually succeeds in getting in the car before I can ease myself in and close the door. Once in, he retreats to any part of the car where I cannot reach him to start eviction proceedings. This is a struggle any day, but in the rain!! I thanked the powers that be Blackie was not in evidence as I left. Also, when I got home, he didn't come running as usual, because I do let him ride in with me ... sometimes inside the car, but often on the hood. As I parked my car, I heard a faint meow, which surprised me, as I cannot usually hear my indoor cats from the driveway. When I arrived at the front door the "Meow" was no longer faint, and I looked down to see Blackie, a compressed Halloween cat in the 4 1/4" space between my front door and the screen. After 31/2 hours in that position he was looking very squished and disgruntled. He must have tried to dash into the house just after I closed the door and before the screen closed and latched. Did he learn anything? What do you think?
The choir finally has another tenor. He's young enough to be my grandson and is a good musician. Bingo! He was telling me about a cat he had. She had been a stray (Is there any other kind?) and turned out to be a great talker. She'd follow him around the house, meowing, but softly. He named her "Mrrrow."
They moved to a new house and Don kept the cat confined for several days until she knew her new home. Her protests grew louder and louder until at 4:00 A.M. one morning, Don had had enough sleep deprivation and decided he'd let her out, but watch her thru the glass doors. After all, the back yard was fenced. She briefly sniffed out the back yard, then predictably jumped onto the fence. Well, thought Don, "It's O.K. if she explores the fence."
However, she soon jumped off the fence, and NOT into his yard. Genuinely worried lest she not know how to get home, Don went out and discovered there were two parallel fences, enabling him to get up on top, but he could only keep his balance if he stayed on all fours. I don't know what type of night attire (or non-attire) he was wearing, but I'll let you draw your own mental picture of Don, creeping along the fence top, calling "Mrrrow, Mrrrow." Up to this point he had been so concerned about the cat he didn't realize this was no way to introduce himself to the neighborhood. When the thought did strike, he abruptly stopped the quest, which he might as well have done in the first place. Mrrrow, of course came home when he was good and ready.
Since this has already become a catty letter, I might as well add the story of Beth's friend, Jud. He came home from work one day to hear a cat crying lustily from the top of a shed several backyards away. To reach the shed meant traversing more than one fence and trespassing across some back yards, but Jud, a compassionate soul, got his ladder and made the trip, needing the ladder at each fence as he went. The return trip, now carrying the cat, you can only imagine, but Jud had that nice warm Good Samaritan feeling. The next night he came home from work to hear the same cat wailing from the same roof. Jud did a mental rerun of the previous night's journey, said, "Forget it," and went in to put cotton in his ears. It has been said that no one yet has ever found a cat skeleton on a rooftop or in a tree.
Ever since we have lived here our mailboxes have been across the street. It was no problem fourteen years ago, but with increased traffic and decreased mobility, neither I, nor my neighbor, Lloyd, felt like getting the mail was worth playing Russian Roulette. So, we had to wait for someone to bring it to us. Ten days ago, two young men, obviously racing, succeeded in crashing into each other in a straightaway - clear weather - 45-mile zone. The resultant mess totaled both pickups, but there were no injuries. However, they wiped out the neighborhood row of mailboxes. The insurance company is paying for replacement, and in our case, relocation. It really was a drastic solution, but I'd like to send a thank-you note to the two race drivers who mistook my road for the Indianapolis 500. I now have a mailbox on my side of the road.
E-mail is fun, but I don't think it will ever replace the personal letter for me. Remember, I enjoy letters as well as E-mail. My friends are my treasure. I hope your treasure chest is as full as mine.
Blessings, Darlys,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said to them was: "Don't."
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve...we got Forbidden Fruit!"
"No way!"
"Yes, WAY!"
"Don't eat that fruit, said God."
"Why?"
"Because I'm your Father and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno," Eve answered.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did Not!"
"DID so!"
"DID NOT"
Elderly Mrs. Murphy had just won the sweepstakes, and was planning to "live it up." She spent $20,000 on a face lift. That night she was called to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter met a very upset Mrs. Murphy, who Cried out, "Why did you call me so soon; just when I was planning to enjoy myself?" St. Peter replied, "Mrs. Murphy--I didn't recognize you."
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