2nd Wind, June 2002
"It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help"
"Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of range before it is understood."
In daughter Beth's art work she uses a lot of driftwood. This means weekend beachcombing trips, which are a combination of business and pleasure. She and companion, Ed, have a favorite place to stay; a hostel which is a former coast guard station. They meet interesting, and sometimes off-beat, people there. One lady, who was there the week after Beth injured her ankle, insisted Beth bind the injured ankle with banana peels. A week or so later the same lady, somewhat older than Beth and Ed, was back again. It had been evident on the earlier weekend that this particular co-guest had been vaccinated with a phonograph needle, telling everyone more than anyone wanted to know about herself and family. She proclaimed herself an artist, descended from artists. She said her grandfather had posed for both Rembrandt and El Greco, because the artists couldn't always afford models so would pose for each other. When Beth and Ed mentioned they were going to visit a nearby museum, Motormouth hinted broadly how much she would like to go, but fortunately Beth and Ed were going by bicycle. She told them, though, if they ever saw El Greco's painting of the Last Supper to look at the disciples. Her grandfather, she said, had posed for all of them, and although the hair, beards and dress were different, it was all the same face. In the course of touring the museum, Beth did indeed see an El Greco painting. Then her eye dropped down to the data below and she saw El Greco died in the 1600's.
Ed was here the other day using Beth's computer. His had put some of his data in deep freeze.... not an unusual development for high tech stuff. When he was ready to leave, Beth's cat, Ooda (correct name: Skidoodle) was on the inside ledge below the back window of his car taking a leisurely bath. Beth said, in disbelief, "You left your car windows down in my yard?" When I was still driving the station wagon, I had to be careful not to let a cat (or cats) in, as I wasn't nimble enough to successfully evict them. They had plenty of room to move out of reach. I scarcely wanted to arrive at some social occasion leaving the car parked for hours with several, by then, complaining cats. Nor did I like to visualize the resulting condition of the car. Anyway, Ooda did consent to dismount, but when Ed reached out to pat her, a healthy spark flew between them. Ooda recoiled, giving Ed as malevolent a look as she could achieve. She is our nonconformist. I have to warn people who are going to drive into the yard. She yields for no one. If she chooses to sunbathe in the middle of the driveway, that's your problem. No honking horn or approaching behemoth intimidates her. We've pointed out to her that someday someone will come unannounced and won't realize this is her kingdom. But, so far, guests have learned to get out of the car and personally escort her to the resting place of her 2nd choice. If you are walking from house to house, she will zigzag in front of you, putting you in danger of tripping over her. If you do manage to get in front of her, she'll take a healthy swipe at your ankles. If you pet her, three pats are the limit. As soon as she has you convinced she is a compliant little kitty, she'll whomp you with both paws. We put up with her because she won't allow anything else. Her one redeeming feature is that she adores Ed's dog, Saki. From Saki's viewpoint, Ooda overdoes it, but a reasonable amount of adoration is welcome
The preceding is my excuse to add the memory of the month for the benefit of the newer readers. George was a trouble shooter for a large electrical firm in a near-by city. The major companies, Procter & Gamble, Campbell Soup, Granny Goose, etc. had plant electricians, but George was called in when the regulars were baffled. He got a summons to the Granny Goose potato chip plant. The women who removed the bagged potato chips from a traveling belt were complaining of getting electrical shocks from the equipment. George questioned the workers and one offered to demonstrate. She pulled up a plastic covered stool and sat on it, shifting back and forth as she reached for the moving bags of chips. In due time, a visible spark jumped from her knee to the machinery. She yelped and jumped back, knocking the stool over. "George asked her, "Is there nylon in your slacks?" She said, "No," then after a moment's hesitation, "I'm wearing nylon panties." That was the explanation....static electricity due to the friction between the nylon panties and the plastic stool. When George reported to the office, the manager said, "Well, did you solve the problem?" At George's answer, "Yes. Your women wear nylon panties," the manager glared at him and barked, "And how the Hell did you find that out?" George said, "I have young apprentices who could have discovered it faster, and by different methods, but I just asked." The manager, frowning and tapping his pencil, said, "Just how do I let headquarters know I had to call a specialist to learn that?"
There was concern in our church family recently when one of our expectant mothers was hospitalized at 34 weeks, due to her membranes rupturing. (In my day we said, "her water broke"). There was a happy ending as the eight month's boy weighed over five pounds, and all is well. But the situation prompted friend, Ginny, to tell us about her second pregnancy when she had the same experience, also at 34 weeks. She panicked and ran next door to the neighbor's, calling, "My membranes ruptured. What do I do?" The level headed neighbor got her to the hospital and Ginny successfully delivered...Surprise!!...identical twin girls, now college students. A week or so later, the neighbor's little boy said, "Mom, remember the day when Mrs. K's brain ruptured?"
May each of you still have surprises in your life, although I doubt if twins would be your #1 choice.
Blessings, Darlys
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
An elderly man with a nice piece of country property decided to fix it up a bit for his family and guests to enjoy. He put in a pond, not only rustic, but suitable for swimming, surrounded by picnic tables, a barbeque pit, etc. Since the pond was not close to the house, he soon learned it attracted uninvited guests as well. He wouldn't have cared, had they not littered the place, played obnoxiously loud music, etc. One evening he saw activity down at the pond and when he got close, realized it was a group of young women skinny dipping. When one of them noticed him, she squealed a warning, and they all huddled in the deeper end of the pond. He just stood there. Finally, one of them called out, "We're not coming out until you leave." He called back, "I didn't come down here to watch you swim, or getting out of the pond, but it IS feeding time for the alligators."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were on a camping trip. Holmes woke up and seeing all the stars in the heavens above, woke Watson and said, "Watson, by seeing all those stars, what would you deduce?" Looking up, Watson thought, then said, "With all those stars out there, millions of them, there must be lots of planets like ours. By deduction, there could be life like ours." "You fool," said Holmes, "somebody stole our tent."
"Barbara Bush Forgives Paper's Goof."
The former first lady was in El Dorado, Kan., to speak at Butler Community College. A reporter for the Wichita Eagle misheard her, and the newspaper quoted her as joking about having three "breast" sizes during her life, rather than three "dress" sizes. The newspaper ran a correction the following day. But recently it received a letter from Bush. The letter was printed on the Sunday editorial page: "I've just become abreast of your recent article, ‘Barbara Bush wows El Dorado,'" the letter began. "I am, indeed a bosom buddy to two presidents, so I shared some of the things I have learned in 76 years of life," she wrote. "That includes 57 years of married life, six children, 14 grandchildren, five wars, three DRESS sizes, two governors, two parachute jumps and now two presidents. Your article has left this generally outspoken mother speechless, but has given my children much to laugh about." At the end of the typed letter was a handwritten note, "I just wanted to get this off my chest." Isn't she marvelous?
Two blondes are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories on how they died. (1st Blonde) "I froze to death." (2nd Blonde) "Froze to death - how horrible!" (1st) "Well, it wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?" (2nd) "I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But, instead, I found him all by himself in the den, watching T.V." (1st) "So what happened?" (2nd) "I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up to the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under every bed. I kept this up until I finally became so exhausted I keeled over with a heart attack and died." (1st) "Too bad you didn't look in the freezer - we'd both still be alive."
You know all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little Sweet Potato, whom they called "Yam." Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting Half-Baked, so she wouldn't accidentally get Mashed and get a bad name for herself like "Hot Potato" and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots. Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the Sack and make a Rotten Potato out of her! But, on the other hand, she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato, either. She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins. When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard Boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called French Fries - and when she went out West, to watch out for Indians so she wouldn't get Scalloped. Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, "Frito Lay." Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips. But in spite of all they did for her, one day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw, because he's only a ...Common Tater.
|