Frau is gradually abandoning her "best behavior" technique and letting her true personality shine. Her claws were getting a bit too perforating. Usually, Beth and I do cat-nail trimming as a team, but one evening, as Frau lay relaxed on my lap, I thought I'd try it on my own. She endured the process through one foot, but indicated that was enough. The next evening, I picked up another foot, poised the trimmers, and found my wrist encased in Frau's mouth. She didn't apply pressure, but the warning was clear. I responded with a firm, "No" and a look of great disapproval. She flipped around, spotted the bookmark in the book I was reading, pulled it out with her teeth and proceeded to shred it. That's when I knew we were soulmates.
Five years ago I'd quoted from my baby book, lovingly kept by my father, "Darlys (age 9 1/2 mos.) takes special delight in creeping up to the newspaper rack and pulling out all the papers, and we have been trying to break her of it by slapping her hands. But today, after her mother had whipped her away several times she went back determined to stay and when her hands had all they could stand, she put them both on the floor and pulled out papers with her mouth." And I'll bet my parents cracked up laughing, just as I did with my defiant cat.
One of the bonus sights of rural life is a hen with a family of newly hatched fuzzy balls tumbling along beside her. Usually, though, the number of chicks decreases day by day, due to predators, and the hen is lucky to raise one or two to maturity. This year's family of ten still numbers ten, and they have feathered out and are a quarter grown. Perhaps the fact this hen is usually accompanied by two bodyguard roosters may be a clue to her success. She seems to be a very popular lady. Today, Beth was coming up the driveway and looked across the fence when she heard chicken murmurings. There is a lawn chair under an oak tree. It hasn't seen human occupation for some seasons, probably due to the fact it has been a popular chicken hangout. If you've been around chickens you'll know much re-decorating occurs where they roost. On this occasion, a rooster was perched on the back of the chair, the hen was comfy on the seat, and the ten little guys were lined up on the arms. Where was a telephoto lens when needed?
We live in a small town but try to keep abreast of the times. Our main street consists of one solid block of business buildings, not all occupied, and two blocks either direction of scattered ones. However, we do have three banks. Beth dropped by ours to make a deposit, and as she and another customer entered the door, an employee hastily locked the door behind them. The clerk explained they had just been robbed and Beth and her door-mate were potential material witnesses had they seen anything in the parking lot. They hadn't. The machines had all been shut down, so nothing banking-wise was accomplished that day. The next day, when Beth was able to make a transaction, an older clerk commented she had been in banking 20 years and this was her first robbery. More interesting, tho, was the fact that shortly before it had happened, this experienced clerk had walked by as one of the younger girls was opening her cash drawer and had noticed there was far too much cash in it. The lady said to the girl. "What if your next customer has a gun?" and together they moved the excess cash to the safe. That was the drawer that was robbed.
The other day I was reminiscing about my years of involvement with drama. I probably had a part in every Christmas pageant produced in my childhood. I don't, however, remember ever being the Virgin Mary... I'm sure they couldn't trust my decorum. When I graduated from grammar school, I was the leading character in a play put on by the class. I think I got the part because I was the biggest girl. I don't remember the plot or the cast, but I do remember that I was a wife reading an old love letter which began: "Light of my soul: like the ceaseless surging breakers of the billowy ocean, my heart throbs with love and longing for you..." Even at age eleven it struck me as very corny. It took me awhile to de-nauseate from that.
My next thespian effort was a Shakespearean play in High School. I was cast as the wall in A Midsummer Night's Dream. Yes, the wall! I dressed in a gunny sack and held one hand out with thumb touching index finger to indicate a hole in the wall where the two lovers, Pyramus and Thisbe (I think. I don't have a Shakespeare volume here to check after 75 years.) whisper to each other. Pyramus begged Thisbe, "Kiss me through this vile wall." I, personally, thought the leading man put entirely too much emphasis on the "vile." I finally forgave him two years later. He'd died, and it's difficult to carry on a one-sided grudge. Could I put having played Shakespeare on my resume?
In college my outstanding performance was a beauty operator giving a permanent. Permanents were very new and you'd never believe the wires and clips involved. I had to go to a beauty shop and observe. Nothing I saw there encouraged me to get curly hair at that time. We had to build a prop to resemble the "permanent machine." Picture an inverted garbage can cover, with small diameter slinkys dangling from all around its edges and a bag clip attached to the end of each slinky. In those days, however, there were no slinkys or bag clips. Maybe they were invented in case that play is ever revived.
In college we also put on an operetta written by one of the girls and every word in it was an advertising product. The products were chosen to indicate the mood. It was like watching any opera in a language you didn't understand, and was dependent on the over-acting of the cast. It would be fun to re-write that one with the familiar advertising names of today. For example, to the tune of Hoffman's Barcarolle, and for a mushy love scene, "Hershey's Choc'late, Coke, Dunkin'Donuts, Reese Peanut Butter Cups."
After that I always ended up in the orchestra pit. Looking back on it, I'm not sure if that was in recognition of my musical superiority or a subtle way to get me off-stage.
Are you ready for Halloween? Already eating and replacing the "trick or treat" candy? Careful, or the averdupois goblins will gitcha. Been there! Done that!
Peace, Darlys
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The state trooper pulled a car over to tell the driver, because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5000 in a statewide safety competition. The policeman asked, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Well, I guess I'd better get a driver's license," was the answer. The woman in the passenger seat said, in disgust, "Don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." This woke the guy in the back seat who took one look at the cop and moaned, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car." At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me." And Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?" God said, "Go down into that valley." Adam said, "What's a valley?" God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river." Adam said, "What's a river?" So God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over the hill..." And Adam said, "What's a hill?" So God explained to Adam the meaning of "hill." Then He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave." Adam said, "What's a cave?" After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman." And Adam said, "What's a woman?" So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce." Adam said, "How do I do that?" God, first rolled his eyes, then, just like everything else, explained that to Adam as well. So Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, into the cave and finds the woman. In a few minutes he is back. God, His patience wearing thin, said "What is it now?" And Adam said, "What's a headache?"
Three boys are bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem and they pay him $50. The second boy says, "Yeah, but my dad writes a few words on a sheet of paper, calls it a song, and he gets $100." The third boy says, "That's peanuts. When my dad puts words on paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect the money."
(This one is a prime example to illustrate the way the Bible can be used to prove a point.) A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first and then we don't have to wait so long to get our coffee." The husband countered with, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because it is your job, and I'm willing to wait for my coffee." The wife replied, "No, you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Said the husband, "I can't believe that. Show me!" So she fetched the Bible and opened to the New Testament to show him at the top of several pages that it indeed says....."HEBREWS."
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