2nd Wind, January 2004
"Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it."
2003 was the year when I didn't have either a Thanksgiving or a Christmas dinner. Elder abuse? Not really. On Thanksgiving, I'd showered and dressed, all ready to go to Beth and Ed's. I sat down at the computer to read my Email messages and when I tried to stand up I doubled over with a pain in my sawdust. It turned out to be trapped gas, but whatever it was I couldn't picture adding a holiday dinner to the mix. Also, although getting rid of the gas would be anatomically correct, I knew, in a social situation, it probably would be not be aromatically correct. As a consolation prize the next day, Beth brought three days worth of yummy leftovers to be enjoyed.
The highlight of this Christmas was a lovely Christmas Eve candlelight service, which is as it should be. Evan had to work Christmas day, so the family came over after his work and, together with Robert, our tenant, we spent a happy evening. A real Christmas dinner was planned for the following Saturday, but by then Beth's exhaustion took over and we all went out to dinner. I thoroughly approved...no leftovers, however.
Beth and Ed make frequent trips to the coast to gather the driftwood Beth uses in her wind chimes and mobiles. They also enjoy some biking and hiking while there. On a recent trip they pulled the van into a scenic parking lot near the Golden Gate Bridge and were getting the bikes off the rack when another car pulled up. The driver jumped out, with a piece of paper in his hand, and went to the back of the car to look at the license plate. Beth and Ed couldn't help overhearing his announcement to the other two occupants of the car. "It IS the wrong number."
Also, the answer from the woman in the passenger seat, "You mean we've been driving a stolen car in San Francisco?" The man got out his cell phone and said, "I'll call the hotel. What was the name?" The woman wailed, "I don't remember." Since Beth and Ed were obviously now accessories (although Ed did, with humor, call out to an empty parking lot, "Officer, Officer!") the man explained their dilemma. They had given their parking receipt to the hotel valet and had driven off in the rental car he brought, which looked just like the car they'd parked. As he drove, though, the tourist began to notice differences, so after crossing the bridge, pulled off to check. I don't know the end to this story as they left, driving back to San Francisco in search of the hotel none of them could remember.
What happened to Fall in California? One day was 90 degrees and the next day was 60. There was no in-between. One Sunday morning followed a very rainy night. The weather prediction didn't promise any relief, so we all dressed in appropriately warm clothes. Apparently, at church, whoever set the thermostat had heard the weather report. However, the sun came out to defy the weatherman. Midway of the sermon, I, from my vantage point in the choir saw a lady, seated where the sun shone in, move to a shady spot. Then I saw Mildred, a deacon, tiptoe around to the thermostat and turn the arrow down. Steve, another deacon, who couldn't see Mildred, soon rose and inconspicuously followed Mildred's path to turn the indicator down some more. Fortunately it was a good sermon or I would have wandered off into speculation as to how many deacons it takes to lower the temperature, and who would be next? It did remind me, tho, of an experience George had in his electrical career, which I last told in '90. "George once received a service call to the Bar in an elite country club...the thermostat reportedly wasn't working. It checked out perfectly, but the bartender volunteered the information that his patrons, one by one, adjusted the temperature according to his or her feelings at the moment, which, in a bar, could be quite variable. George suggested to the manager that he (George) disconnect the power from the visible thermostat and install a new one in an inconspicuous spot behind a large potted tree. The new thermostat was locked, and labeled, 'Kitchen Cold Room'....not too far fetched as the kitchen adjoined that wall. George was sworn to secrecy. Only he and the manager were to know. We hope succeeding managers were let in on the secret. As far as we know the patrons of that bar are still adjusting the dummy control to match their lowered or elevated spirits, and I am using the word, 'spirits', to indicate both mood and consumption."
In November I was doing some of the secretarial duties of our church, courtesy of voice mail, computer and telephone. With that added to my resume I can boast a longer than average working career. My first job, for pay, was as an office girl for a lawyer. I was twelve. My Girl Scout leader was the lawyer's secretary and during her two weeks vacation she suggested me to answer phones and to keep track of the local credit bureau reports. This was Ely, Nevada...copper mining country...and many of the residents were employed at the mills. If one was fired, the company office immediately phoned "our" office, where I looked in the card files to see who was owed. I, in turn, phoned the merchants.
Late one evening, soon after the clear glass was installed on my back door, I started to open that door to put out some trash. With my hand already turning the knob, I glanced out to see a skunk cleaning up the cat food bits. Had I opened the door I would have bumped him, and I hate to think further as to a scenario.
They say you learn something new every day. Yesterday I learned never to drop rubber bands into a toaster while it's toasting. I won't even go in to why I'd do such a thing, but I assure you it wasn't on purpose. I quickly pulled the plug and no permanent damage was done to the toaster. An ambulance was needed for the rubber bands.
After last month's tales of reunions, I unearthed this:
College Homecoming
(written in 1981, 47 years after graduation)"The spirit is there, the pep and the glee, But all that grey hair, and creaks in the knee!
There's wrinkles as well... a hearing aid, too. A novice can tell age caught up with YOU.
But saddest of all and grievous to see...YOUR eyes were too poor to recognize me"
-Darlys
The unwelcome gift of the holiday season was the news that Fraulein is diabetic. Beth had a diabetic cat several years ago and I had done week-end shots then, so the idea isn't as intimidating as it might have been. Fraulein is still undergoing testing to get her stabilized. The God I believe in takes care of His creatures, too, and I'm sure He sent her our way, knowing Beth and I wouldn't let her down.
I read and re-read each 2nd Wind repeatedly looking for errors. When I do find one it's just after it has returned from the printers. So it was with the 2003 Christmas letter, which I belatedly discovered was dated Jan. 2004. Now it actually is 2004, and I send wishes for it to be a year of building good memories.
Blessings, Darlys.........................................................................
I was asked to write words to a song for a New Year's bash at a Senior Housing clubhouse. With apologies to Judy Garland:
Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high,
There's a land where your bosom's firm and I zip my fly.
Nevermore acid reflux... no more gas.
No more ExLax to guarantee ev'rything will pass.
No diuretic salt-free stuff
Cholesterol we've had enough.
Come, Big Mac!
Arthritis is a dirty word
And chicken is a by-gone bird
We want our carbs back.
They say over that rainbow dreams come true.
So just gimme Viagra. We'll fly there, me and you.
If pretty little Bluebirds flee
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't we?
A little tortoise walked up to a tree and painfully and slowly started climbing. On reaching the top he launched himself, waving his little legs, and fell "thud" to the ground. He went back to the tree, started climbing, climbing, until he, once more, reached the top. And, again, he jumped off, waving his stubby legs and (no surprise) "thud" he landed with his nose in the dirt. Two birds sat watching with worried looks on their faces as the little tortoise again climbed the big tree to the top, and with legs churning, repeated the fated launch out of the tree. One of the birds turned to the other and said: "Darling, don't you think we should tell him he's adopted?"
A science class student was confronted with the following assignment: "Give four advantages of breast milk." His answers: "1. No need to boil. 2. Never goes sour. 3. Available whenever necessary." He chewed his pencil awhile before happily coming up with the fourth. "4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes." He got an "A".
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