Whenever I walk past the back door after dark, I flip the porch light on and look out the glass insert to see what nightlife is scrounging for the handful of food the hobo cats may have left. Tonight there was a small skunk busily munching. However, a large, plump raccoon was stealthily coming up the steps, obviously unhappy that the skunk got there first. When the coon got too close, the skunk lunged toward him and stamped her feet...not a good sign. I really didn't want a ringside seat on that particular battle. True, I wasn't in physical peril, but definitely threatened olfactory-wise. When the raccoon looked up and spotted me, I took a chance and rapped on the window. The coon scurried away. The skunk munched on. I exhaled with relief.

My parents impressed on me the command that the Sabbath should be a day of rest (Except for the preacher's family). As an adult, I take that seriously. I don't make beds, do dishes, or count calories on Sunday. I don't know where those particular prohibitions appear in the Bible, but I'm sure they are there somewhere. This Sunday, the text chosen by the pastor reminded me of another biblical memory. My mother was a thrifty cook, often of necessity. When enough scraps of meat, potatoes, onion, and assorted vegetables accumulated, we'd have hash. My Dad would eye the results, which were always tasty, and with a grin, would quote his definition of "hash," from Hebrews:11. "Now, Hash (The word, Faith, begins the original quote) is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

One Saturday morning, I woke early and realized, although It wasn't a case of desperation, I'd finish my rest more comfortably if my bladder weren't so full. I sleepily made my way to the bathroom and happened to glance into the toilet bowl to see a brown blob above the water line. I didn't have my glasses on, but knew Thelma had efficiently cleaned the day before. I also knew subsequent donations in that particular bathroom had all been liquid. In my half-awake state, I decided it must be a leaf that had blown in, so I flushed the toilet, figuring the gush of water would dislodge the leaf. Instead, at the first swirl, I saw the "leaf" scramble to safety. Time to put on my glasses! The tiny frog had successfully evaded the flood. I thought of calling 911, but realized that probably wasn't the kind of emergency the law had in mind, so came to the reluctant conclusion I was destined to be the official frog catcher. At least, he couldn't go far. I finally succeeded in getting him in my fist. I carried him to the back door. When I reached out the opened door, he indignantly leapt from my opened hand. He didn't stop to say "Thank you."

Probably most of you can look back at an experience when someone really upset you, perhaps telling you the truth you needed to hear, instead of what you wanted to hear. Or, you may have been rescued, against your will, from one of Life's toilets. It may not be too late to say "thanks." That's an important difference between little frogs and people.

            Peace,    Darlys
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   A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box? We're leaving from the office and I'll swing by the house to pick up my things. Oh, yes! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas." Being the good wife, she does exactly what he asks. The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?" The wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle box."

    A man took his wife out to dinner to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He leaned over the table and said, "So what would you like, Sara? A Jaguar? A mink coat? A diamond necklace?"  She replied, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He, obviously upset, and showing shock, said, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

   A young preacher was asked by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side burial service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. Eventually, a half-hour late, he saw a backhoe and its crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight and the workmen were eating lunch. The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style. As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say, "I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain't never seen nothin' like that before."

   Little Johnny and his friend Billy, with Billy's mother, were on their very first train ride. A vendor came down the corridor selling an unfamiliar candy bar. Billy's mom bought one for each of them to try. Little Johnny eagerly tore open the wrapper and bit off a bite just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged into the light, he looked across at Billy and said: "I wouldn't eat that if I were you." "Why not?" asked Billy. Little Johnny replied, "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."

   A fervent little old Christian lady moved next door to an atheist. The next morning, delighted with her new home, she came out onto her front porch and shouted, "Praise the Lord!" The atheist yelled back, "There is no God." She did this every morning with the same result. As time went on, the lady ran into financial difficulties and her food cupboards were becoming alarmingly bare. She went out, looked toward the heavens, and asked God for help with the groceries, then said, "Praise the Lord." The next morning, when she checked, there, on the porch, were the groceries she'd asked for. She shouted, "Praise the Lord!" The atheist jumped out from behind a bush and yelled, "Ha, I bought those groceries -- There is no God." The lady looked at him and smiled, then shouted "Praise the Lord! Not only did You provide for me, God, You made Satan pay for the groceries!!"

   Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women!" she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve.

2004 2nd Wind Issue Index